At My First Meetings, I Sat by the Door

I was talking to my counselor about abandonment, lack of boundaries, and a marriage in disarray. She wanted me to visit a few Al-Anon meetings.

Al-Anon? Was she crazy, or what? I just didn’t see the connection.

After sitting in on a few meetings, I thought the people attending those meetings were on the nutty side. The things they found humorous boggled my mind. Yet, I experienced something else in those meetings. It was hope.

I can’t quite explain it, but when the members said, "Keep Coming Back," I found a gentle tugging on my heart to do just that—come back.

Of course, I made sure I sat near the door. That way, I wouldn’t get trapped into a conversation or, heaven forbid, get hugged. But, they didn’t seem to mind. The members gave me the time and space I needed.

Somehow, they knew there was a lot of pain locked up behind my brown eyes. Gently, they loved me, even when I couldn’t love myself. I watched and listened to them share their courage, strength, and hope. I began to slowly, ever so slowly, test the possibilities of moving beyond the safety of my own walls, facing my own hurts and needs, and starting to open up.

The cracks in my walls were imperceptible at first, but they gave my counselor a smidgen more to work with. She encouraged my attendance, so I continued attending meetings. As I did, I found a growing willingness within me. Yes, healing had begun.

Since then, I’ve found out just how wise my counselor was. She knew the program could give me a tangible set of tools, Steps, and principles to hang on to. My counselor knew the people in the program would share their experience, strength, and hope. She also knew I would see people practicing a way of life that was different than my mixed-up approach.

She was right!

Al-Anon was exactly what I needed. It’s my journey to recovery, thanks to my counselor and Al-Anon Family Groups.

Reprinted with permission of The Forum, Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc. (external Al-Anon link), Virginia Beach, VA.
© Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 2006. All Rights Reserved.