Forgiving my parents: an Al-Anon miracle

I resented my parents. As the youngest of 11 children, I thought my parents should have been well trained in parenting by the time I was born. But they weren’t capable of doing what any parent is supposed to do: feeding the kids, going to school meetings, spending time at the park, teaching basic lessons, expressing their love. I promised myself that when I had my own kids, I would teach both of my parents what being a parent was all about!

When I came to Al-Anon, I was told there was a disease called alcoholism and that it affected not only the drinker but the drinker’s relationships and family as well. My Dad drank for more than 20 years. Even though he stopped drinking when I was ten years old, I now know I was affected by his drinking. After I learned some facts about this disease, I came to realize that my dad was sick. I came to understand many of his actions as well as my mom’s reactions. I was able to see the role my siblings and I were playing in the situation.

I heard an Al-Anon speaker say that he made amends to his father after realizing that his father had given him a better life than his father himself had received. This realization was a spiritual awakening for me. I started to see that I, too, had received more from my parents than they had received from theirs.

I also learned that parents can’t teach you what they haven’t been taught. I often heard it said that “they did the best they could with the tools they had,” and that was my parents’ case. This perspective helped me to release all the resentment and hatred that I had felt for them. Now I understand them better and feel compassion and love for them. I now know they were victims of a devastating illness that they reacted to but never understood. I had no right to judge them.

Today, I have a beautiful relationship with them. I am grateful for everything they have done for me and for everything I have learned from them. Today, I am able to forgive their mistakes. I call and visit them often. I enjoy being around them and spending time with them.Today, I am grateful for having the parents God gave me.

I thank God who brought me to the rooms of Al-Anon and for the members who carried the message and taught me how to accept my parents—to understand, love, and forgive them. The program works wonders.

This forgiveness is only one of many miracles I’ve witnessed in Al-Anon. Don’t leave before the miracles happen—because they do.