I struggled with detachment until I learned to keep the focus on me

Learning to detach from my spouse’s alcoholic behavior was difficult for me. As a new Al-Anon member, I listened eagerly as other members described what detachment meant to them.

I was sitting in my living room reading a book, feeling calm and content, when my husband came home drunk and angry. He burst into the house and immediately tried to start an argument with me.

I had a eureka moment! I felt like my Al-Anon brain took over and looked down upon the situation from an observer’s point of view. I said to myself, “I didn’t cause the drinking; I can’t control it; and I can’t cure it.”

Instead of getting angry, upset, and defeated, I stayed calm. I put my book down, stood up, and said, “I’m not arguing with you. I love you. I’m going to run errands.” I walked away and refused to engage.

I left the house and spent the next half hour reminding myself to keep the focus on me. I couldn’t wait to share my epiphany with my group. I hope my experience helped other members learn detachment.

Reprinted with permission of The Forum, Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc. (external Al-Anon link), Virginia Beach, VA.
© Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 2010. All Rights Reserved.