When I listened with my heart, the color of my skin no longer mattered

Sometimes when asked to share my story, I mention my initial reluctance to join the Al-Anon Family Groups. I was in a lot of pain, but not enough to overcome the discomfort of being the only black person in a meeting of predominantly white members.

I drove across town, sometimes miles away from where I lived, in search of meetings where there were other members of my ethnicity, somehow believing that I would get more out of an Al-Anon meeting if I were surrounded by people who looked like me.

Much to my disappointment, I couldn’t find a meeting anywhere in the city with more than one other black person. Greatly discouraged, I stopped trying Al-Anon meetings.

My situation deteriorated to the point where I didn’t care what Al-Anon members looked like, as long as they could offer me hope and make the pain go away.

The next time I reluctantly tried an Al-Anon meeting, I sat in the back, closed my eyes, and listened with my heart. It was then that I started to feel the help, hope, and healing I needed to put my life back together.

Over the years, we have had Spanish-speaking meetings started in our district, and we have had some outreach efforts targeted to predominantly ethnic areas of Jacksonville. Ever so slowly, I have started seeing a few regular members who share my ethnicity. But today when I open the door to an Al-Anon meeting, I don’t really notice the color of the members who are there.

When I look across the tables and around the rooms, I see long-timers full of experience and strength, and newcomers desperately in need of hope. I see caring in the faces of my Al-Anon family who loved me even before I had the capacity to love myself or to love them back.

To me, it no longer matters what the members look like, only what they have to share. I grow from the experience of others and I can use the tools I learn in the rooms. I take what I like and leave the rest. Certainly, some of my experiences in life have been different because of my ethnicity, but my experience with alcoholism has not. It has only been affected by my willingness to listen, to learn, and to change.

We all share as equals with one factor in common—living with, and recovering from the disease of alcoholism.

Reprinted with permission of The Forum, Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc. (external Al-Anon link), Virginia Beach, VA.
© Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 2010. All Rights Reserved.